Being in society is risky business, climbing the social ladder is even riskier, be it in low-class society, high society, or the court society, it is an entirely different realm of its own.
Since humans are social creatures it is almost entirely impossible to climb life’s ladder of success without having to go through society.
To be a great society courtier you have to be a master at the science of manipulating people, and I don’t mean this in an entirely negative way.
These people are good at making other people feel more kingly, they are magicians of appearance, knowing that most things in society are judged based on how they seem, this is where the saying “fake it till you make it” originated from.
They are aggressive, yet polite in their handling, for their aggression is veiled and masterfully indirect.
Being masters of the word, they never say more than necessary, getting the most out of a compliment or an insult.
these people are magnets of pleasure, everyone wants to be around them because they know how to please, yet they neither fawn or humiliate themselves. you may have come across this kind of people, though their number seems to ever dwindle as people become less and less courteous and more self-absorbed,
however, this though will serve more of an advantage to those who have mastered the act of society, as well as its maneuvers, for they are indeed rear.
THE RULES OF SOCIETY
1: AVOID OSTENTATION
It is never prudent to prattle about yourself and call attention to your accomplishments, actions or ownerships.
most people have been in the company of people who just never seem to shut it, they infuriate us!
Nevertheless, the more they talk about their deeds, the more suspicious we become of them and so it is to other people when we are in the position of the “bragged”.
when you prattle, you stir enough envy among your peers to induce treachery and backstabbing.
Be ever so careful in trumpeting your achievements and always talk less about yourself than about other people.
Modesty is generally preferable.
2: PRACTICE NONCHALANCE
Never seem to be working too hard.
your talent should seem to flow naturally, with ease that people take you for a genius rather than a workaholic.
These should also go beyond the realm of the career or the talent world.
Your style and character demeanor should all seem to be natural (see— learning the sinister arts of fame from the Modern Masters), never be seen trying to work too hard even when it requires a lot of sweat, people prefer rather not to see your blood and toil which is just another form of ostentation.
It is better for them to marvel at how gracefully you have achieved your accomplishments than to wonder why it took so much work.
3: ALTER YOUR STYLE AND LANGUAGE ACCORDING TO THE PERSON YOU’RE DEALING WITH
Equality is unnatural.
Some people believe that you should be talking and treating everyone the same irrespective of their rank because it makes you somehow a paragon of civilization, is a fatal mistake.
Those below you will take it as a form of condescension, which it is.
While those above you will be offended, though they may not admit to it.
You must change your style and the way you speak to suit each person.
This is not lying, it is acting and acting is an art.
Never assume your criteria of behavior and judgment is universal, for an inability to change and adapt to another culture is the height of barbarism.
4: NEVER CRITICISE THOSE DIRECTLY ABOVE YOU
You must learn to couch your advice and criticism as indirectly and as politely as possible, for a lot of people are insecure, even if they do not show it.
Not everyone can handle an outright criticism, and your innocent, goodwill intention may not be received as well as you might think.
Think twice, or thrice, before deciding you have made them sufficiently indirect.
Always lean-to the side of subtlety and gentleness.
5: NEVER JOKE ABOUT PEOPLE’S APPEARANCE OR TASTE
A lively wit and a humorous disposition are essential for a good socialite, and there are times that vulgarity is appropriate and even engaging.
However, avoid any kind of joke about appearance or taste, for these are two highly sensitive areas for it is an expression of their most authentic selves, and a blow to that, is a blow to their core.
Do not even try it, even when you’re away from them.
The walls have ears and you will dig your own grave.
6: BE FRUGAL IN ASKING FOR FAVOURS
Everyone will bear witness to this that no one ever likes the one who is always asking for “a solid”.
Over time we’d all come to think if they are actually friend with us just because of what they’d get out of us.
However, nothing irritates us more than having to reject someone else request.
This stirs up guilt and resentments and anyone who had ever had to turn down a request would testify to this.
Ask for favors as rarely as possible from other people, and know when to stop!
Rather than making yourself the supplicant, chose rather to earn your favors, let the giver willingly bestow them upon you.
Remember also not to ask for favors on another person behalf, least of all a friend.
7: ARRANGE TO BE NOTICED
There is a paradox however, you cannot display yourself too brazenly.
No one likes the person who always shows off and overtly tries to court attention.
Most of us in return will tune them out because we do not want to give them that satisfaction of having our attention.
Learn from this.
To get noticed, however, initially, is a matter of literally being seen, pay attention to your physical appearance, then find a way to create a distinctive— subtlely distinctive— style and image. Also, see– learning the sinister arts of fame from the Modern Masters
8: MAKE YOUR TARGET THE CENTRE OF ATTENTION
To be a charmer you have to listen and observe, let your target talk, revealing themselves in the process.
As you find more about them, their strengths, and most importantly, their weaknesses, you can individualize your attention, appealing to their specific needs and desire, tailoring you’re flattering to their insecurities.
By adapting their spirits, you can make them feel bigger and better, validating their self-worth, a rear quality in our modern times.
9: BE A SOURCE OF PLEASURE
Life is already hard enough as it is, no one wants around them someone who will only remind them about how depressing living can be!
No one wants to hear about your whine stories, because most people are self-centered.
Rather listen to your target complaints, but more importantly, distract them from their problems by giving them pleasure.
Be light-hearted and fun, it is much more charming than being serious and critical.
Do this and watch people clamor to be around you since people love to associate themselves with whatever they think is elevated and cultured.
10: MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL
If done subtly, your ability to enhance the quality of people’s lives would prove to be dangerously seductive.
Your social skills would prove to be important here.
Creating a wide network of allies will give you the ability to link people up with others which will serve to make them feel that by knowing you, they can make their lives much more easier, it is something no one can resist.
11: SHOW CALM AND SELF-POSSESSION IN THE FACE OF ADVERSITY
Showing calm and an unruffled exterior in the face of unpleasantness puts people at ease, you’d seem patient, regal.
As if you’re waiting for destiny to hand you a card to your advantage.
Never show anger, ill-temper or vengefulness, all disruptive emotions that will make people defensive.
Let others get flustered and irritated, the contrast will work in your favor.
In society, never whine, never complain, never try to explain yourself.