On the 16 of January 2020, I took scissors to my hair, I must have had a mental breakdown because a couple of years back I wouldn’t have dreamt of pulling such a stunt!
I woke up this morning and I still couldn’t believe my hair was gone.
My mum, as well as everyone who knew me before pretty much flipped when they heard I got rid of my hair,
A lot of them had envied the length and thickness of my hair, even though it was relaxed.
But deep down, I knew I wasn’t satisfied, I knew I wasn’t at peace with it, judging from the fact that I was having constant scalp and hair issues from scalp psoriasis to allergic reactions (which led to content itching), scalp inflammation, hair discoloration, and just the fact that my hair had blatantly refused to work with me!
I know the natural hair movement has become a really big deal this past few years, it’s like the “in thing” now in the African community, nevertheless, the reason I went natural has nothing to do with the current trend.
I, in fact, know that a lot of women who have gone natural only did so because it was trendy, the majority of those people will revert back to relaxers, wigs, and whatnot, the moment the frenzy dies out.
My first relaxer session
As hard as it might be to believe, I wasn’t born a beautiful baby.
Though my mum had waited so long for a baby girl, she said when she had me, she hid me from her friends, because I wasn’t pretty. She said because my brothers we’re all good looking, she thought I’d be stunning because, well, I’m a girl. She said the only thing that was admirable about me was my hair!😅
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This was the last hair I did before the big chop
However, my looks improved as I got older, but so did my hair.
Everyone wanted to touch my hair, everyone wanted to play with me, my mum said as the hair touching became too much she had to stop taking me out to public places.
I think one of the reasons Africans hate having their hair touched from my mum’s perspective was that some people carry on with them negative energies which could be passed on to another through the hair.
My mum never wanted to have relaxers on my hair, but that all changed when my stepsister was about to get married.
She wanted to do some “trendy” hairstyle on me for her wedding that could only work on sleek hair.
I was four years old then.
however, ever since, its been a slippery slope downhill.
Why I chose to go natural with my hair
My mum used to say that your hair is your crown, your identity, it is what makes you beautiful, unique, your hair tells more about you than the clothes you wear, it is after all the first thing people notice about you.
You should note that she wasn’t just referring to the African hair, but all hair types of all races.
About last year, I started considering the thought of going natural, but my biggest challenge was not me getting rid of my hair, my challenge was the fear of the unknown.
I didn’t know what to expect, I barely had any memories of my natural hair, and if I’d be honest, not all natural hair type looked attractive to me. I was afraid I had “ugly” hair or “bad” hair, but the thing yet that is, there is no such thing as a “bad” hair, just poorly managed hair.
I realize that now.
The state of your hair is in factual correlation to the state of your being.
Looking back now, during my days of depression and self-loathing, I had terrible hair, poorly kept.
when I looked at myself in the mirror, and I hated the image staring right back at me, I remember also loathing my hair.
I realize that there has been so much negativity attached to my hair.
Cutting my hair was a spiritual as much as it was a physical act.
As I broke free from the former self, my hair was the last physical remnant of the past, it was a physical manifestation that represented years of self-hate, and falsehood.
Cutting my hair off, I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me, and now I am ready to grow alongside my hair in this new light.
An acceptance of my most authentic self!