I can still remember making a search query on Google just a week ago about “how to create an obsession”, I was rather desperate, somewhat angry at myself for not having the wherewithal to chase after a goal or dream to the finish, I lacked ambitions. “Something must be special about them, maybe their brains are wired differently”, this was something I often say to myself anytime I spot someone either on television or in the person going at whatever endeavors they set their heart to with so much gusto, pouring their entire being into their work. And then when I look at myself, and how short I fall of my own expectations and that of my family, I’d often say to myself “maybe I’ve got no purpose, you know, I was created without one”
Falling in and out on myself
The first half of this year has been a vicious circle fall ins’ and fall outs, with me changing plans quite faster than I did my clothes. It’s not that had no interests in life, no gifts, I’m a fairly good artist in my own right and my writing is not that bad, but then of the cause, when it comes to creative gifts, pointing out an artistic skill(s) only is quite a narrow way of describing creativity.
I did have areas of interest that spark up that child-like feeling of awe in me that a lot of vocational experts (classical or pop) consider being the cornerstone of figuring out your inherent gifts and area of calling. But in my experience having such epiphany is not enough to actually follow through, most certainly is it not enough to actually make use of yourself, to actually bring forth anything substantial, emotions are simply not enough.
A cookie a day
As a 20-year-old, if there is one thing I have learned from life, it’s that the quality of your life, your experience of it, and what happens (or manifest itself) to you is at the sole mercy of your internal self; your paradigms (or beliefs), your thoughts and state of mind, and of cause, your shadow self and how well it has been integrated.
I often find myself saying to myself lately that “I’d rather spend $1000 to have my contexts(beliefs of what’s possible) expanded, than have my content(knowledge) filled”. Why? Because it doesn’t matter how much you know. If you think A and B can only do or mean so and so, your experience of life, the quality of it, and also what could be achieved by you will be severely stunted!
A cookie a day, what does that mean? It was an ideology I had coined from a fortune cookie, I concluded that if our ‘environment’ or our lives are in direct correlation to the state of our internal mind, then by changing my thought process, what I chose to pay attention to, how I chose to interpret my weaknesses or an unfortunate event as, or even simply what I chose to believe, I could drastically change my reality!
So what do I do? Well, it’s kind of a threefold approach,
- Firstly, I’d recognize those limiting paradigms which no longer serves me, making efforts however small daily to override them.
- Secondly, I’d put in conscious physical efforts into doing things differently. Become who I want to be by aligning my actions to the beliefs/ideas that I am trying to sell to myself.
- Thirdly, acknowledge the fact that there will be days I will feel inadequate, there will be days I’ll fall ‘out of love’ with my ambitions and the process, the routine will eventually get stale and boring, and I will eventually hit a wall which will serve remind me of how much work and improvement needs to be done.
Neither can be separated from the other, that was the mistake I had made at the beginning of 2020. Career woman: getting to the top 10% during and after the pandemic
Breaking the chain of mediocrity
Relying on motivation (emotions) to get you through is a sleek recipe for disaster, you need a plan, you need structures, you need organization!
Michelle McKinney Hammond once said in one of her books, I think it was in the ‘Diva principles®’ can’t really say I’ve read so much of her books. She said that the state of your physical environment, take the bedroom for an example, is a direct reflection of the state of your mind. And believe me, no truer words has ever been spoken especially when I myself is a living witness.
so what new revisions did I commit my heart to?
First I had to acknowledge the truth that I did have passions, I did have an “obsession”, it was was just buried deep by my self imposed limitations, a limitation that I had either choose to believe as it soothed my ego and excused my mediocrity, or that I had been given by other people because they were either insecure or their minds were too blocked to envision a new paradigm that could potentially shake the very foundations of what they thought could be possible for them, or in the world. TURN YOURSELF INTO AN OBJECT OF FETISH VALUE
I had numerous talents and interests, as do everyone. what I needed was a structure to hold them all up together and a mindset creative enough to not only accomplish this in a way that would serve me, in a way will be to my advantage highlighting my own uniqueness and individuality in the process, but also a mindset that is convinced that such a structure, however the combination that I chose to create is doable, no matter how unconventional it is.
I’d rather spend $1000 to have my context expanded than my content filledTweet
What I’ve been up to
I know that I have to acknowledge the fact that life isn’t perfect and I have to rid myself of the toxic pop culture belief that says your passion shouldn’t feel like work, that your inborn talents would be disproportionately easy for you to perform and master at an A-Lister level overnight, that is bullshit!
Even geniuses practice, even geniuses hit a wall eventually.
I have finally made the decision to go after what interests me, sure I won’t be good at it at first, sure I’d fall flat on my face more often than I’d like for it to happen, but wouldn’t that be what makes the price even more valuable?
Writing helps to be too bring to light thoughts I never knew I had, I get to tap into my shadow self in the process, that’s priceless. I love the arts, or rather, I appreciate the arts; music (classical, RnB, country, Gospel inspired), architecture, paintings, and sculptures, performing arts like ballet and contemporary dance. As a gen Z born in late December of 1999, most people my age find my thoughts on pop culture being vulgar, lacking artistry, or meaning rather absurd.
Even my taste in fashion, aesthetics, home décor, and even food has also been a reflection of this. Maybe I’ve been influenced by my family and my dad’s conservative Briton upbringing. Honestly I’d never know.
I’ve acknowledged my fascination for the human body and all that affects it and I’ve decided to explore such fascination. I was indeed resistant to this and the fact that I know it may lead to a career in medicine.
My elder brother is a cardiovascular surgeon, my dad a retired doctor, so picking up medicine as well to me just seemed like copycat conformity to my rebellious youthful self, especially when my daddy encourages it!
Nevertheless, at this point in my life, it is worth a try.
If you’ve read this far, I have to commend you because by the time this post goes live it’ll officially be one of the top longest articles on this site!
Nevertheless, if there is one thing you should take away from all of this is that, even though you probably have already thrown your new year’s resolution to the bin or faltered on it, it is still not too late to do something about it, I mean we still have 7 months till 2020 wraps up.
If you have been following through to your plans and have found it not to be serving you any longer, or you have met with a wall in any area of your life, this is the time to “take five” from you pursuit and difficulties and figure out a way around it or change course.
Keep one thing in mind though, people often suffer from problems relating more to indecision, mediocrity, a limiting set of beliefs, and doubts than they do have of rigidity.
Good luck! 💌